LiberalsMustDie.com

 It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  That famous Bible quote described my Sunday perfectly.

As usual my Sunday started with the 7am church service, followed by the 8:30, 10, and 11:30 services.

I was gearing up for the 1:00 service when I noticed some dust on one of the coffee tables in the parlor.  Our janitor "Pedro" was walking by at the time and so I asked him very nicely if he would please clean it up.

"Hey Pedro. Hola. Esta table is dirty. DIR-TY, comprende?  Like you: Dirty.  Ok?  You understand?  Dirty is not good ok?  Clean up now, pronto.  Clean up now or INS come. I.N.S. You understand?"

Well, I was expecting Pedro to get to work cleaning like speedy gonzalez but instead he said something about having to leave for a football game. I knew the Bears were not playing, so I knew he was lying. I thought about calling the INS right then and there, but the church could never find someone to work for 60 hours a week for food and shelter if Pedro was deported, so I decided against it.

Instead, I decided to follow him.

This turned out to be a real problem, because he doesn't have a car. So there was a lot of walking and public transportation.

While I was on the Bus, keeping an eye on him, I kept seeing car loads of Mexicans pass us by.  12 adults in a Geo Prizm is a cramped ride.  At least I think they were adults... it's hard to tell with Mexicans. It's like they stop getting taller as soon as they grow out their mustache; at age 12.

I wish Pedro would have jumped in a car with them so I could have driven in a car or taken a cab.  Public transportation is for Democrats.

Anyway, so we get to Soldier Field and there are TONS of Mexicans all wearing green. What, are they Packers fans?

I found some guy holding a stack of tickets an inch think, he must have had 50. So I asked him how much he was selling them for. He said that he wasn't selling, that the tickets were just for his family.

Ok whatever, I pulled out a 50 and this guy sent one of his kids packing.

Once inside I realized I had been tricked! It wasn't a football game at all, it was a SOCCER game, and I was surrounded by 60,000 screaming Mexicans. It was like an immigration march!!

I was shocked, SHOCKED, to learn that the United States HAS a soccer team, but I guess they do, because they were out there playing Mexico.

I watched for about 5 minutes, expecting to see the US kicking the crap out of the Mexicans (Greatest country in the world against a 3rd World hole in the ground, come one) but it was MEXICO that scored?! How on Earth could this be happening?  I started to have flashbacks to the US Basketball team losing last year to Italy and I lost control.

The crowd was getting out of control, chanting stuff in Mexican.  I started screaming at them, letting them know that I was better than they were in every measurable way.

"I make more in 1 week than you do in a whole year."

"I have health insurance."

"I am in this country legally!!"

"I speak English!"

"Jesus loves my country more!"

"I have way more cable channels to choose from!"

And on and on.

But there was one problem. I don't think any of them spoke American.

I got on the phone to try and contact the INS.  This was a once in a life time opportunity for them.  The illegals had all gathered in the same place.  All the INS had to do was seal the exits, and bring 10,000 patty wagons to arrest all the illegals, but I was having trouble getting a good cell signal.

Then it happened, the US scored not once but twice!!

The Mexicans were dead quiet and I was screaming at them, letting them know how great the USA is!

It was awesome, the US won the game (of course, we are the greatest) and all those Mexicans went home crying.

That's what you get for being an illegal!

Maybe next time you will learn, and not break into a country illegally!