LiberalsMustDie.com

I recently received an email from an LMD fan "Bob" asking my opinion on the NSA reading our (your) emails:

On your website for contacting you, you say something about reserving the right to post any e-mails sent to you, but it doesn't matter because the NSA is reading them anyway. Are you for or against the NSA reading your e-mails?

Those who frequent LMD probably already know how I feel about the NSA and the absolutely fantastic job they are doing protecting us from terror.

But for the full breakdown, click on the link below.

Bob, I am guessing you aren't a liberal, becuase you didn't whine and cry about your "civil rights" in your email.

I'm in fact guessing that you are a government agent, who is testing to find those who are not loyal to George W. Bush. Those who fail the test can then be "dealt with," or as some call it "dissappeared."

You see, "Bob", if that is your real name, 2 weeks ago the Republicans were finally able to get the Military Commissions Act passed, even though the Defeat-o-crats tried to stop them.

You see, like good Americans, Republicans vote for anything with the word "Military" in it, unlike the Dumb-ass-crats, who hate our troops.

Just last week President Bush proudly signed the bill into law. This is really a great piece of legislation...

Now that this law has been passed, the president can kidnap anyone, including American citizens, and hold them indefinately (meaning for the rest of their lives, for-EVER) without having to do all the liberal paperwork of filing an arrest report, or giving them any rights, or even having to charge them with a crime. Some times you don't know that they have committed a crime, and you might know that they in fact HAVEN'T committed a crime, so this is really a great provision.

The president can then have them thrown in secret prision for the rest of their life where they can be "interrogated" with "alternative" means, and it's all legal now in the USA!! Awesome!

Now some Demon-crats have complained that this is the same thing as allowing the torture of American citizens who haven't been convicted, or even charged, with any crime. But that is a LIE!! The Senate set strick rules on what you CAN'T do to someone.

1. You can not rape them.
   
   This goes for both men an women. So right there a lot of the interrogation techniques that we could have used are outlawed because we do want to keep our moral standing in the world. However, I don't believe it says anything about raping the relatives of the detainee, like their wife or daughters, so we still have some room to manuver on this issue.
2. You can't mutilate them.
   
   This one I think we should have left in. I mean, technically Jesus was mutilated when he was nailed to the cross, so I think it only right that we allow a revenge on his behalf using the same techniques, but we couldn't muster the votes thanks to liberals like McCain.
   
   This means that we have to abandon things like crushing a mans hand in a vise until it is total flat. We can't cut off peoples limbs yadda yadda yadda. Oh well.
3. We can't murder them.
   
   Apparently the defeat-o-crats thought that murdering someone during interrogation was something we should outlaw. Pussies

But, even though that list sounds pretty bad, it still leaves a LOT of options for our guys.

1. We can burn them with a hot poker up the anus, repeatedly, over and over for days on end.
2. We can wrap a weight around their ankle and throw them in some water until they run out of air and become unconcious. Then, we pull them out, resuscitate them, ask if they are still sure they are "innocent", and then do it all over again, and again etc.
3. We can not feed them for days on end, keeping them on the brink of starvation.
4. We can throw them in a freezing room with no clothes and try to keep the temperature just right so that they are constantly on the verge of hypothermia.
5. We can force them to watch the Howard Dean and John Kerry speaches! HAHA!!
6. My personal favorite: We can strap 10,000 volts to their genitals and zap away, until they can smell their own balls burning from the current!

Of course, we do this all for freedom, and if you don't love freedom, then you don't agree with President Bush, and you probably are going to be caught by my buddy Bob, and have your genitals fried, until you cave.

The point is the NSA and the CIA are GREAT, and they are doing everything they do for 1 reason, to protect our freedom!

So listen up Bob, I LOVE the NSA and I LOVE the fact that they spy on my emails and my phone calls.

In fact, I think they need to take the next step.

We need to bug every phone. We need to record all interpersonal relationships. And we not only need a camera on ever street corner, but we need to have them in every room of every house in the united states.

Think about how hard it would be for terrorists to plot if they knew that they HAD to be on camera all the time.

Having a room without a governement issued camera would of course be against the law, and so you couldn't just remove your camera, or you would be disappeared.

Personally, I know that I have nothing to hide, so why would you care if the government was looking in on your activities, unless you had something to hide??

Are you a terrorist? No? Then surely you won't mide if we install cameras in your home right?

This would be a great step toward winning the War on Terror, and a big win for Freedom!

So to answer your question Bob, I think you guys in the Ministry of Truth are doing a great job, and I for one welcome our new Neocon evasdropping overlords.