Alberto Gonzalez has got to be the greatest Attorney General in the history of the United States, even if his grandparents were disgusting illegal immigrants. Most Attorney Generals have problems doing their job because they are confined by the letter of the law, even if those laws were written by idiots. Gonzalez is the first AG who has really been able to “think outside the box” on these issues. He made the breakthrough of realizing that, all he had to do was interprete the laws differently, and it would allow him and our president, to do what they need to do in order to win the war on terror.
More after the jump.
Case in point: tortue. No one “likes” torture, but when push comes to shove and we need information from some guy who could be involved in a terrorst plot, we need to be able to torture them! But how can we “legally” torture people, espically enemy prisioners who haven’t been convicted, or accused, of any wrong doing? Answer: Don’t call them prisoners. We have signed all kinds of stupid agreements that we won’t torture prisoners or POWs. Ok well what is the definition of a POW? That is the question Gonzalez realized we needed to be asking. The answer is, well the answer is whatever you want it to be so long as terrorsts don’t count. “Is this guy a POW?” “Well it depends on what you definition of is is.” HAHA. See how this works? It’s brilliant! So then there are other stupid laws out there that say that the US will not torture in specific (well defined) cases. Fine. Alberto figured this one out too. WE don’t do the torture, we just outsource it, just like most of the American tech jobs. WE don’t torture anyone so its legal. We just PAY for someone else to torture them, you see? AG is awesome! What does this mean for the communist, terrorist loving “journalists” in our country? It means you better watch your fucking back cause AG is coming for your ass! AG has found that if you change the way you read some old laws dating back to 1917, you can actually make the case that we can throw a bunch of “whistle blower” journalists in FPMITAP!!! YES!! AG is just getting started. There are TONS of laws on the books that, when looked at by someone who “thinks outside the box” like AG, will allow him to throw a TON of liberal asshats in jail. The next couple weeks are going to be awesome as he nails these bastards!
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